Episode 12
ThriveHer Ep12 Mastering the Art of Saying No: Setting Boundaries for a Balanced Life
Episode Summary:
In this episode, Rochelle takes you through a Boundaries Bootcamp, diving into the art of setting boundaries that protect your time, energy, and peace of mind. If you’re someone who struggles to say “no” or feels guilty about setting limits, this episode is for you. Rochelle unpacks the psychology behind why saying no feels uncomfortable, reframes boundaries as a form of self-care, and shares actionable strategies to make setting limits feel empowering and natural.
With a mix of science-backed insights and practical exercises, this episode will help you set boundaries that align with your values and well-being—because saying no to what drains you is saying yes to what truly matters.
Key Takeaways:
Why Saying No Feels Uncomfortable:
- Human Nature: We’re wired to seek approval and avoid conflict—it’s an evolutionary trait from our tribal past.
- Social Conditioning: Many women are raised with the expectation to accommodate others, leading to guilt when setting limits.
- Guilt Isn’t a Judgment: Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it’s often a signal that you’re breaking old, conditioned habits.
Reframing Boundaries as Empowerment:
- Boundaries are not about keeping people out; they’re about creating space for what matters most.
- Saying “no” to what drains you allows you to say “yes” to your priorities, energy, and peace of mind.
- Think of boundaries as an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries:
- At Work:
- “I appreciate the opportunity, but I need to prioritize my current projects. Let’s revisit this when I have more bandwidth.”
- With Family:
- “I’m not available this weekend, but let’s plan something for another time when I can be fully present.”
- With Friends:
- “I’m stretched thin this week, but I’d love to catch up when things calm down.”
- Use responses that are clear, kind, and respectful while communicating your limits.
Building the Boundary Habit – Small Steps, Big Impact:
- Start with small, manageable boundaries (e.g., setting aside 15 minutes of personal time each day).
- Consistency is key—each boundary reinforces your self-respect and values.
- Reflect on this question: What’s one thing you could say no to this week to create more space for what truly matters?
Interactive Exercise:
- Think of a current situation where setting a boundary feels challenging.
- Visualize your typical response and how it makes you feel.
- Practice a clear, kind response that aligns with your needs (use one of the examples provided in the episode).
- Commit to trying this approach in real life, starting small if necessary.
Resources and Links:
- ThriveHer Tribe: Join our Facebook community for more support, inspiration, and actionable steps to align your life with what matters most. Click here to join the ThriveHer Tribe!
Transcript
Welcome to the ThriveHer podcast, where we empower women to take control of their unique health conditions and wellness journey during perimenopause and beyond.
Rochelle Wade:Our goal is to help you dream big and reach your fullest potential in every part of your life.
Rochelle Wade:Each week, the podcast dives into expert insights, natural solutions and inspiring stories to support you on your journey.
Rochelle Wade:And now, here's your host, your no nonsense naturopath, Rochelle Wade.
Speaker B:And welcome back everyone, to this, the 12th episode of the Thrive her podcast.
Speaker B:Today, we are tackling a topic that, if we're honest, many of us wrestle with, setting boundaries that genuinely serve our wellbeing.
Speaker B:I like to think of today's episode as kind of a boundaries boot camp, where we'll explore why it's so essential to protect our energy and time, and how we can start saying no with a sense of clarity and confidence.
Speaker B:Boundaries aren't always straightforward, though.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's only when we're at the edge of a burnout, feeling completely overextended and even resentful, that we realise we've been neglecting our own needs for too long.
Speaker B:And if you're someone who finds it hard to say no or feels guilty about setting limits, you're not alone.
Speaker B:Many women have been raised with subtle yet powerful expectations to be accommodating to say yes as a way of caring for others, often at the expense of our own wellbeing.
Speaker B:Today, I want to help you examine those patterns and understand that setting boundaries isn't about pushing people away.
Speaker B:Instead, it's about creating the foundation you need to live with purpose, to have the time and energy for what truly matters, and to show up fully in your own life.
Speaker B:So let's start by looking at why boundary setting can feel uncomfortable and how we can begin to reframe that as an act of empowerment and self respect.
Speaker B:So let's start by understanding why saying no can feel so difficult.
Speaker B:If you've ever hesitated or felt that pang of guilt after setting a boundary, it's not just in your head.
Speaker B:There's real science behind it.
Speaker B:As humans, we're wired to seek approval and avoid conflict.
Speaker B:And this goes back to our early days in small tribes, where being accepted by the group was crucial for survival.
Speaker B:Even now, when we sense that saying no might disappoint someone, our brains can misinterpret that as a kind of threat.
Speaker B:Cue the stress hormones, the guilt, that uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach.
Speaker B:Now, for women, there's often an extra layer.
Speaker B:Many of us are taught from a young age to be Accommodating to help to put others needs first.
Speaker B:Over time, saying yes becomes a way of showing care in or maintaining harmony.
Speaker B:And it starts to feel like the right thing to do, even when it's at the expense of our own wellbeing.
Speaker B:So when we do try and set that boundary or say no, it can feel unnatural, or actually even selfish, as though we're somehow doing something wrong.
Speaker B:But here's an important shift.
Speaker B:Guilt isn't proof that you're doing something wrong.
Speaker B:Guilt is often just a signal that you're going against old conditioning.
Speaker B:Think of it as your brain running on outdated software, replaying the same message to keep you within the familiar, socially conditioned behaviors.
Speaker B:So here's a question to consider.
Speaker B:How often do you say yes to avoid guilt, even when you know that it's not the right choice for you?
Speaker B:It's worth reflecting on where this habit shows up in your life.
Speaker B:Because the first step is to change the behavior is actually awareness.
Speaker B:When we start recognising that guilt is just a signal, not a judgment, we can begin to break those old patterns.
Speaker B:The more you challenge this automatic response, the easier it becomes to reset, to trust your own choices and to set boundaries that genuinely support your wellbeing.
Speaker B:Let's flip the script on boundaries.
Speaker B:Instead of seeing them as a way of keeping people out or as a defense mechanism, what if we viewed boundaries as a powerful form of self care?
Speaker B:Think of boundaries as empowering choices that make room for what genuinely supports you.
Speaker B:When you set a boundary, you're not shutting people out.
Speaker B:You're making space for what truly matters to you.
Speaker B:Every time you say no to something that drains you, you're actually saying yes to your own priorities, your own energy, and your own peace of mind.
Speaker B:Consider this.
Speaker B:Boundaries aren't a restriction.
Speaker B:They're the foundation for a balanced, fulfilling life.
Speaker B:Imagine you're tending a garden, one that you've invested deeply in.
Speaker B:Without a fence, weeds creep in and before long your garden is overrun, taking time and energy to clean up.
Speaker B:Boundaries are like that fence.
Speaker B:They protect what you're nurturing and make sure that your energy goes towards what sustains and nourishes you, not what depletes you.
Speaker B:It's not about keeping people out.
Speaker B:It's about safeguarding the things that help you thrive.
Speaker B:Another way to look at it is to think of every yes as a choice.
Speaker B:So when you say yes to something, ask yourself, what am I saying no to in return?
Speaker B:I'll say that again.
Speaker B:When you say yes to something, ask yourself, what am I saying no to?
Speaker B:In return, Maybe it's your rest, your mental focus, or the time you need to work on a goal that's important to you.
Speaker B:When you start thinking of boundaries this way, they stop being about limits and start being about alignment.
Speaker B:Ensuring that your time and your energy are spent on what truly matters.
Speaker B:Boundaries empower you to show up in a way that's sustainable and authentic.
Speaker B:They're not just about protecting your time.
Speaker B:They're a way of honoring your own needs.
Speaker B:And here's the shift.
Speaker B:Boundaries aren't an act of selfishness, they're an act of self respect.
Speaker B:Each boundary you set says, I am choosing to stay aligned with what brings me peace and purpose.
Speaker B:And when we start seeing boundaries as this kind of commitment to ourselves, they become a source of strength.
Speaker B:So here's something to reflect on.
Speaker B:What would you change in your life if you viewed every no as a powerful choice to stay aligned with your values and well being?
Speaker B:Reframing boundaries this way is a reminder that you're not limiting your life.
Speaker B:You're protecting what makes it fulfilling and meaningful.
Speaker B:Now let's make this actionable.
Speaker B:Think of a situation where setting boundaries feels challenging for you.
Speaker B:Maybe it's a work request you don't have time for, a family obligation that stretches you too thin, or a friend who tends to rely on you just that little bit too much.
Speaker B:Visualise that scenario and notice how you'd typically respond.
Speaker B:Let's go through a few ways to approach these situations with clarity and respect.
Speaker B:So at work you might say, I appreciate the opportunity, but right now I need to prioritise my current projects to ensure I deliver quality results.
Speaker B:Let's revisit this idea when I have more bandwidth with family.
Speaker B:I'm not available this weekend, but let's plan something for another time when I can be fully present and enjoy our time together with friends.
Speaker B:Look, I'm stretched thin this week, but I'd love to catch up when things calm down so I can focus on our time together.
Speaker B:Each of these responses sets a boundary clearly, but with kindness.
Speaker B:They communicate that your time and energy are valuable without shutting the door on the relationship.
Speaker B:Practicing responses like these can make boundary setting feel more natural.
Speaker B:And over time, it helps.
Speaker B:Helps you to honour what's important to you without feeling guilty.
Speaker B:And remember, setting a boundary isn't about rejecting someone else.
Speaker B:It's about aligning your time and energy with what genuinely matters to you.
Speaker B:Building a habit of setting boundaries, though, doesn't happen overnight.
Speaker B:And it's definitely not about suddenly saying no to everything.
Speaker B:Start small.
Speaker B:Pick one boundary that feels manageable this week could be setting aside just 15 minutes each morning for yourself, or saying no to one commitment that doesn't align with your goals.
Speaker B:Even small boundaries set a clear message both to yourself and to others about what's important to you.
Speaker B:The power of boundaries lies in consistency.
Speaker B:Each time you set a boundary, you're reinforcing your self respect and signalling to others that your time and energy are valuable.
Speaker B:Over time, each small boundary adds up, giving you more space to focus on what truly matters.
Speaker B:Here's something to consider this week.
Speaker B:What's one thing you could say no to that would create more space for what truly matters?
Speaker B:Sometimes just identifying one thing can release and open up space and clarity around what you genuinely value.
Speaker B:Setting a boundary is like planting a seed.
Speaker B:Each one is a small step that grows and over time it becomes a habit that supports a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Speaker B:So thank you for joining me for this Boundaries boot camp.
Speaker B:Remember, setting boundaries isn't about keeping people out.
Speaker B:It's about creating the space you need to grow, thrive and be your best self.
Speaker B:Without being stretched too thin.
Speaker B:Each boundary is a step towards a more balanced and fulfilling life that reflects what truly matters to you.
Speaker B:And speaking of thriving as I do next week we're tackling a topic that may just be the ultimate performance enhancer.
Speaker B:Sleep.
Speaker B:That's right, I have titled this episode Sleep youp Way to Success.
Speaker B:Why Rest is the Ultimate Performance Enhancer.
Speaker B:No double meanings here folks.
Speaker B:This is strictly about the power of quality sleep and how can boost your productivity, creativity and your resilience.
Speaker B:So whether you're struggling with sleep or just want to get a bit more energy without chugging another coffee, grab a cozy blanket, get comfy and join me next week for a deeper dive into the science of rest.
Speaker B:Trust me, you won't want to sleep through this one, literally or figuratively.
Speaker B:If today's episode resonated with you and you're ready for more support on this journey, I'd love to invite you to join the Thrive her tribe.
Speaker B:It's a space where we lift up, celebrate, wins, and tackle challenges together.
Speaker B:In the Thrive Her Tribe, we're committed to aligning our lives with what matters the most.
Speaker B:Whether it's setting boundaries, building resilience, tackling medical issues, or creating a life that truly reflects our values.
Speaker B:I'll put the link to join up in the show notes.
Speaker B:So let's keep building your life that empowers you from inside out.
Speaker B:Until next time, keep believing in yourself, keep striving for more and keep thriving.
Speaker B:Because your best life is just ahead.
Rochelle Wade:Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Thrive Herb Podcast.
Rochelle Wade:We hope you found valuable insights and practical tips to help you on your path to achieving everything you want in life.
Rochelle Wade:Remember, with the right support, you can achieve anything.
Rochelle Wade:If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories and tag nononsensenaturopath.
Rochelle Wade:Also, if you enjoy the podcast, you'll love a ThriveHerm membership.
Rochelle Wade:Check it out at Throw Riper VIP.
Rochelle Wade:Each interaction helps others find this valuable information.
Rochelle Wade:Connect with us on social media and join our community of thriving women.
Rochelle Wade:Until next time, stay empowered, stay healthy, and keep thriving.
